Friday, August 29, 2014

Buying jeans...oh the horror

So, when you have a baby your body changes. I hope this doesn't come as a shock to anyone, it's the truth. I won't go into all the gory details, but here's an obvious one: when you have a baby you gain weight. Even though I was healthier during this pregnancy than any other time in my life, I still gained a significant amount of weight.  And no, not just the weight of the baby. He weighed 8lb 2oz at birth, did I look like I had only gained 8 pounds!? I don't think so (just as a reminder here's a picture from 5 days before he was born):



Yup, more than 8 pounds...at any rate...when the baby is born you lose some of that weight (uh...duh). Nursing helps you lose some more. But your body has taken on some weight to protect the baby and your tummy is all stretched out from holding that baby in there for so long and your hormones have been all crazy. So anyway, the first month I lost a majority of that weight but since then no more will come off.

So here's the dilemma, most of my regular clothes don't fit me and maternity clothes look ridiculous on me, so I am confined to wearing the few outfits that I have left that don't make me look like I'm a sausage trying to squeeze into the casing. This means one pair of jeans, about 7 tops and a few maxi dresses.

The one pair of jeans that fits me are starting to look a little raggedy considering how often they are getting worn and washed, so when we were at the mall today I decided it was time to get a new pair of jeans.

You know where this is headed...

Let me back up though, under normal circumstances I hate trying things on...especially jeans. Were jeans designed to make me feel inferior (too short, too wide, too hippy, too much thigh, too much crack, etc.)? Do dressing room mirrors add twenty pounds!? That's how I already feel about this, and these are not normal circumstances, it's much worse.

So back to today, after being distraught about the choices: skinny, ultra skinny, stretch, jeggings, acid wash (is this the 80's?), high waisted, pre-torn (ummm...I'm paying good money for these), ridiculous back pocket bling - I found  few normal looking pairs to try on.

Let me be clear - when you already hate trying on jeans and are within a few months of giving birth and are hormonal and are living on less sleep than is good for you...do not, I repeat DO NOT expose yourself to this kind of torture. End of story.

Long story, short...the result was me bawling my eyes out on Brett's shoulder on a bench at the mall. Yup, it's come to that. What a day. What an experience. Learn from me ladies, save yourself the heartache.

Needless to say, no jeans were purchased.


1 comment:

Unknown said...

That Brett is a good man! Somewhere in the vast expansive universe of needless consumerdom, tho in this case needed, is a proper pair with your glorious name upon them, rest assured. No, I mean really, they will have your name on them, "Spanglers", doesn t that sound like a fab pair of stretchy, yet old school denim? I got no idea if they ll fit! Did I mention that Brett is a good man:)