I have heard so many different times from so many different mom's that it was hard to go back, and I totally agree with this assessment. I have never in my life wanted to be a stay at home mom, but these last two months didn't seem nearly long enough. I just got to the point where I felt like I was getting the hang of being a mom and now I have to be a working mom.
Now, I am aware of the fact that I have a good situation: I can work from home or bring Judah to the church and Brett (for the most part) works from home. Those things are a blessing. I will try to keep in my mind that as well as the others blessings that we have, because this stage is not an easy one: I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, he still demands a lot of attention not just when nursing but all of the time, Brett is travelling a lot this season...but in the midst of that there are amazing things.
For all the extra demands, what makes it worth it are moments like these: last night when he was nursing he stopped and looked directly into my eyes and smiled. Then he talked to me, in his cooing way, and smiled at me and giggled for almost a full five minutes. He held eye contact, he responded to me. It was beautiful...no, more than that...but it's unexplainable, and I cried (of course I did) because in moments like these nothing else matters. Not the poopy diapers, or late night feedings, not the lack of sleep or working around having another person depend on you...none of those minor frustrations matter - because what an amazing thing it is to be loved by your child. Thank you, God, what an amazing thing.
So I am back to work and yes it is hard, but I wouldn't trade it. And we'll figure this out, in time.
PS. Here's a picture of Judah and Papa, my little baby is growing and growing. This week he is 13lb 6oz and he's already two months old! He is discovering his hands and feet and he loves his mobile.
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