525,600 minutes of Judah

525,600 minutes...how do you measure, measure a year?

Our little Judah Mitchell (so longed-after, so prayed-for, such a gift) is one. How did this happen? How are we already here? How has life sped up so quickly that in the blink of an eye our once hope-dream is now a little boy?

And what an amazing little guy he is. Last week we had his 1 year well-baby visit. Judah is just at 21 lbs, he is almost 31" tall and he is in great health! He is talking more and walking and he laughs all the time (Pic. below is Judah and Daddy at his 1 year doctor visit)

He was taking steps last month but really starting rolling the week before his birthday. He's got the cutest little wobbly walk. He still chooses to crawl sometimes because it's faster and when he's tired his balance goes to crap.

He's picking up words quickly all of a sudden (he now has 7 words that we understand) and he also tries to imitate our phrases/emphasis. He babbles constantly (seriously...it's constant) and we are looking forward to when we can understand what he's trying to communicate. There are times when he will look us in the eye and say something and wait for a response. The other night he sat up from nursing, looked me full in the face and said "Momma, awoosh." Very matter-of-fact, and I had no idea what he meant. Poor little guy.

Something we discovered on his birthday is that he loves cards. We think he thinks they're little books, he keeps them all with his toys and will bring them to us to read. He'll spend time opening and closing them and looking at the pictures. He is learning how to draw/color...he's also learning that those bright things (crayons) aren't for eating...well he's not got that down yet.

Not everything is cute however, with a baby. For example, every night before bed our routine includes naked time in his room (he's naked not us). He loves the freedom and hides behind the rocking chair when it's time for a diaper. For us this is a daily game of roulette. A few times he's peed on a book or the carpet...no problem, pretty easy to clean. Well the other night he went over to the closet during naked time (he's back and forth between us and playing while we're reading to him so we didn't really think much of this). When he left the closet we saw that he had deposited a tidy little pile in there. The good news is that while his room is carpeted, the closet has wooden floors. So at least it didn't happen on the carpet! I guess this is the risk we take with naked time.

Well, what else can I say? He's an amazing little guy and we love watching him go through these stages of life. We have a one year old!

525,600 minutes...how do you measure, measure a year? Measure in love.

The struggle of being a wife-mommy-pastor

Being a sane first-time parent takes some adjusting, I'm just being honest for my situation. Maybe you jumped right into it and got gold stars in parenting, that has not been my experience. It's taking some time to figure out how to do life with a kid (I'm still working on it!)

So, can I be really honest? I feel like a failure. For the last year (maybe plus some) I have been constantly fighting the feeling that I am failing in EVERY aspect of my life: as a wife, as a mom, as a pastor, as a friend, as a homemaker. I feel like nothing is getting enough time and therefore each area is suffering. It's tough to feel like a failure and like you're constantly letting everyone down. It's truly been a huge struggle. 

This past month I finally feel like I'm turning a corner with this. Several things have led to this change.

The first and most important is Brett. I honestly could not ask for a better partner. And I honestly could not have made it through this last few years without him. This man has been strong when I'm weak, kind when I'm hard on myself, he has encouraged me, and supported me and loved me through these last few years of major transition. He is my best friend and my loving spouse, he is a caring and attentive father. Even though I'm shaped differently and struggling with my self-image he continues to tell me I'm more beautiful every day. Even when the house is a mess, he says life is so much better now. He continues to encourage me, even when I struggle to get better. This man is amazing. 

The other thing that has been a major piece of this corner-turning is my support groups. I have four support groups I want to tell you about:  

1) School friends: Last week I went for a Pastor's retreat with several friends from seminary. We went to school together, we are all around the same age and we are all in ministry in some capacity. We stay in touch weekly (sometimes daily) with a facebook group, texts, emails...and twice a year or so we physically get together. This group keeps me going. They make me feel sane. We laugh together, cry together, dream together, and hash things out. We talk about ministry, yes, but we also talk about life. We have amazing deep discussions and ridiculous late night conversations. The time is never enough.

2) The second group is all ladies. Last month I spent a week at a women clergy conference. This was absolutely soul building for me. These ladies are awesome, a few of them are also pastor-mom's - we're kind of a rare breed. These women are funny and kind and thoughtful. Just being around them is an encouragement...just knowing I'm not the "only one." Their advice, support and love has been so important for me and has helped me move through this transition. 

3) Third is my SHAPE group. SHAPE means "Sustaining Health and Pastoral Excellence." It is a Church of God initiative that puts pastors together to help us build one another up for ministry.  It's function is to help us get personally/spiritually/emotionally healthy. The thought is that if we are wholly healthy we will be better leaders/pastors. We meet once a month. This small group of people in Northeast Ohio have become so dear to me. We are so different in our personalities, leading style, station in life, etc. but we come together and all of that slips away as we listen to each other and share our hearts. We have some awesome discussions, we share deep hurts, we pray together and we work on ourselves...together.

4) My family. I'm not going to say a lot here, I have an amazing family. AMAZING. I could write paragraphs about each person. My family is my first and always support group. I cannot adequately express how they have kept me afloat. 

Just looking this over I feel so blessed, I love these people. I love each group. I love each person involved. They have helped me get past this lie I've told myself that I am a failure. My time with these awesome people has reassured me that 1) I'm not alone in this (life/ministry/whatever) and 2) I have more priorities now as a mom and that it's ok (and even necessary) that things will shift. 

These people (all of them in different ways) have helped me to see that I need to give myself some grace (Brett's been telling me this all along!). I'm going to work on that, but it's helpful to remember that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one dealing with this and that my new priorities are important and necessary. 

Because that's the thing, I CANNOT have the same priorities…there is literally another person who is dependent on me to be alive. It's so simple! I can't believe that it took me almost a year to figure out that's why I wasn't handling life well. Of course I'm not going to be able to give the same amount of attention to the church, of course the house isn't going to be as clean, of course I can't keep working 60+ hours a week, of course the garden can't get weeded every few days. Why did I think that I could continue to do everything else on top of being a mom? Of course some things had to change. What was I thinking? 

So a deep and true thank you to these people who have spoken truth to me. A sincere thank you for walking beside me through this, for dealing with me while I've been so difficult and for reminding me to love myself. I need you, I thank you, I love you! 

One last note: If you're feeling alone mommy-friend or daddy-friend or any type of friend that's reading this, I want to encourage you to find some like-minded (like-lifed) friends to share your story with and build each other up. Life is not meant to be done in isolation. You need them and they need you.  

"Friends afford us the chance to hear the voice of God's encouragement, feel the warmth of God's embrace and experience the intensity of God's listening...by receiving the love of people who, though they know us, love us anyway." Quote by Reggie McNeal, "A Work of Heart"

11 months of Judah

We are one short month away from celebrating a one year old! How did we get here? We feel so blessed and are continually experiencing more and more joy with this little boy. It's been awhile so let's get into it:

Food: Judah is 11 months old and weighs about 20 pounds. He's still super skinny and tall for his age, but he is starting to get an awesome baby Buddha-belly because of his deep love for food.

(Stealing Natania's banana bread)

He started off slowly with food, but once he got into it, he really got into it. Until a few weeks ago I have made all of his food. Fun and healthy things frozen into cubes. We'd get a few out for each meal and he just loved it. Two weeks ago we were in North Carolina for a week for a women clergy conference (Brett and Judah came with me because I'm still nursing Judah). Since we flew we had no opportunity to make his food or bring it with us so we fed Judah from our plates along with a few store bought items during the week.

To say he loved it is putting it mildly. That boy ate...and ate...and ate. He tried so many new things. We jumped from trying new things slowly/every few days and being cautious about allergies and choking hazards to all of a sudden eating everything and many new things a day and things with spices and things that were mixed...oh man, he was loving life.

So then we come home and I have all these great cubed things...which he now won't eat. *Sigh* So now we cook for him at every meal. He loves eating, I mean he LOVES it. He can't get enough, he's never full. He always wants more and we just eventually cut him off. Tonight for instance...he had a rice wafer, 5 oz. of mashed carrots and corn, 4 oz. of banana and plum, some of my soup, some of Brett's soup, 2 oz. of shredded chicken, some cut up red pepper and 5 oz of yogurt and applesauce mixed. His meal times take forever...sometimes 45 minutes! But it's so much fun, this kid loves food.

Favorite foods: Red pepper and green beans


Communication: This little boy has always been a pretty happy one, but he is increasingly happy and loves life. He laughs all the time, he smiles and grins. He giggles (mostly at daddy, I'm not nearly as funny). He has joy that inspires me. He loves life, it's so great.

However, he is also discovering the oh-so-human manipulation tactics. If we take something from him or if he doesn't get what he wants he will throw himself to the ground or go limp and lean back away from us. I'm sure when he's 13 we won't think so, but right now his temper tantrums are the cutest! He's an adorable little pouter. It's so hard not to give in when he does this.

Judah is starting to communicate really well. He was doing some baby sign language but now he's given that up in lieu of words. He babbles constantly...we are aware of four words for sure: more, dad, mom and uh-oh. It's so great to know what he's saying to us!

* "More" was his first and only word for a long while (said mostly in the context of food - of course). When he started saying more it was "mum-mum" along with his sign language for more. We were very aware that he was saying "more" and not "mom." A blow to my ego, but there it is. Now it actually sounds like more.
* "Dada" - oh, he knows who daddy is. Daddy is the funniest guy in the world and the best playmate. * "Mama/Mom" - there is a distinct difference between more and mom now. A side note about this one: I usually put Judah to bed, the other night I was at a meeting and so Brett put him to bed instead. Judah would ask "mama?" and Brett told him I wasn't there right now and Judah cried and then would ask for me again. This is both heartbreaking and also heartwarming for me.
* "Uh-oh" just this week he learned "uh-oh." He uses it both for when things fall and for anything he doesn't like. Yesterday Brett put him in the car and he yelled "uh-oh" at Brett for awhile. He says it at 2:30 in the morning when he wakes up and wants out of the crib. We've also learned that it can be a warning, he'll say "uh-oh" and then throw his food/cup/toy on the floor and then point at it. It's adorable.

Along with words he also waves, hugs and kisses us (love this!),  points at things (where's mommy? he'll point at me) and shakes head no (Judah, do you want to nap? he shakes head and grins).

Motor Skills: Judah is developing and moving along as I suppose is normal. He loves to dance, he's standing on his own completely sturdy now.

He climbs on anything he can and he's even started taking a few steps! He still loves the bath and splashes around and plays on his belly and swims his toys around the tub. He enjoys daddy's Motiv boxes and bags and loves to climb in them, drag them around and flip them over.

He absolutely loves to explore; he wants to get in things and on things and under things. He wants to open every door and drawer and cupboard. He wants to fit into small spaces and get onto high spaces. He moves and explores constantly.

He's such a busy little bee. It's so much fun to see him grow and learn. It's also a little bit terrifying, so many things could happen! I'm sure this terror just continues to grow as a parent when kids get more and more independent.

I know this was a long one, thanks for reading...like I always say (because it's absolutely true) this little boy is such a great source of joy. We feel so blessed to be his parents and thank God for him every single day.

9 months and growing fast!

Man, apparently I'm not great at keeping up.

Judah is now 9 months old! It's crazy to think that he's already so old. Oh my goodness things are going by so quickly! At his 9 month appointment he weighed 18 lb 2 oz. He's in the normal range and healthy!

Judah is now standing on his own (usually when he is getting food from one of us), he's walking along behind his lion walker, he has definite sounds for specific things. He recognizes his name and turns when we call him. He waves at us, at the TV, at anyone and everyone in the mall, at himself in the mirror...he loves to wave. He can also point at us when we ask him, "Where's mommy?" or "Where's daddy?" He's such a smart and sweet little boy, we are so in love with him.

Since it's been so long I've got a lot of pictures, so I'll let them help me update.

This is at Christmas, he loved the tree and the pretty lights:

He is growing so quickly, he looks like a little boy in this picture and not a baby! Although I suppose he's shaped like a baby, look at the size of that noggin!

He loves different textures and sights. Here he is looking at the snow and feeling the cold window. He spent a lot of time looking at Nana and Papa's porch and licking this window. 

In January he discovered his tongue. He enjoys sticking it out, licking things, blowing raspberries and making weird sounds with it. Also, he now has three teeth (two on the bottom middle and one of his top front teeth).

Bath time remains one of his most favorite things ever. He giggles and laughs and splashes around as long as he's in there. He gets very upset when the water gets turned off and then when the water runs out. I'm pretty sure he would live in the bath if we let him. When we go into this bathroom he gets so excited that he dances because he knows it's bath time. 

Judah is such a dare devil and he's so busy. He's always learning and discovering and figuring out what else he can do. You can't leave him for 2 seconds or something like this happens (and yep, apparently I'm that mom who grabs the camera first and then saves the kid). 

One thing he hates is wearing a hat, and even though the weather has been seriously cold, he tries to get it off when we aren't looking. I found him like this the other day when I went to get him out of the car...apparently he's not quite mastered getting it all the way off his head. 

This month Judah turned 9 months old, we always try to get monthly pictures and while I usually don't post those on here, this one I couldn't resist. This may be one of my all time favorite Judah pictures. Brett captured this great moment where I am trying to get Judah to hold the flag so that we could see it and he was just not having it. He kept trying to escape and by the look on his face you would think I was torturing him! Oh man...this picture makes me laugh every time I look at it. 

 

We remain astounded that this precious little boy is ours. He is such a happy and delightful baby - I thank God every single day that I get to be his mommy. It is so much fun watching him learn and grow and become his own little person.