Buying jeans...oh the horror

So, when you have a baby your body changes. I hope this doesn't come as a shock to anyone, it's the truth. I won't go into all the gory details, but here's an obvious one: when you have a baby you gain weight. Even though I was healthier during this pregnancy than any other time in my life, I still gained a significant amount of weight.  And no, not just the weight of the baby. He weighed 8lb 2oz at birth, did I look like I had only gained 8 pounds!? I don't think so (just as a reminder here's a picture from 5 days before he was born):

Yup, more than 8 pounds...at any rate...when the baby is born you lose some of that weight (uh...duh). Nursing helps you lose some more. But your body has taken on some weight to protect the baby and your tummy is all stretched out from holding that baby in there for so long and your hormones have been all crazy. So anyway, the first month I lost a majority of that weight but since then no more will come off.

So here's the dilemma, most of my regular clothes don't fit me and maternity clothes look ridiculous on me, so I am confined to wearing the few outfits that I have left that don't make me look like I'm a sausage trying to squeeze into the casing. This means one pair of jeans, about 7 tops and a few maxi dresses.

The one pair of jeans that fits me are starting to look a little raggedy considering how often they are getting worn and washed, so when we were at the mall today I decided it was time to get a new pair of jeans.

You know where this is headed...

Let me back up though, under normal circumstances I hate trying things on...especially jeans. Were jeans designed to make me feel inferior (too short, too wide, too hippy, too much thigh, too much crack, etc.)? Do dressing room mirrors add twenty pounds!? That's how I already feel about this, and these are not normal circumstances, it's much worse.

So back to today, after being distraught about the choices: skinny, ultra skinny, stretch, jeggings, acid wash (is this the 80's?), high waisted, pre-torn (ummm...I'm paying good money for these), ridiculous back pocket bling - I found  few normal looking pairs to try on.

Let me be clear - when you already hate trying on jeans and are within a few months of giving birth and are hormonal and are living on less sleep than is good for you...do not, I repeat DO NOT expose yourself to this kind of torture. End of story.

Long story, short...the result was me bawling my eyes out on Brett's shoulder on a bench at the mall. Yup, it's come to that. What a day. What an experience. Learn from me ladies, save yourself the heartache.

Needless to say, no jeans were purchased.

Our happy bug

Status: 12 weeks old, 13lbs 7 oz, 25.5 inches.

The doctor told us Judah is right at 50th percentile in weight and 99th percentile in height. We could have probably guessed about that because we've noticed at home that if his outfits fit his body they are way too short and if they fit his length he's swimming in them. He's a tall boy.

Last week Brett and I were talking and Brett was holding Judah. Brett and I started laughing and Judah laughed in response to us. He loves to smile and laugh and does it all the time. He's a happy little guy. He responds really well to both of us. He talks back to me all the time when I talk, we have long conversations. He loves to sit in Brett's lap and they play on his play mat.

Judah is discovering his hands and feet (by putting them in his mouth) and learning how to roll. He loves baths and his play mat. His best friend is zebra and Judah tells him everything.

Since his first week we've called him "Judah Bug." Sometimes now it's just "bug," which is a cute nickname for now but he probably won't like it later! We feel so blessed to have this little guy. We are figuring out how to work with him with us, it's a matter of taking turns and working at odd hours (and when the baby is sleeping). We already can't imagine life without him. We're in love. 

Maternity Leave Status: Over

This week I went back to work: I preached for the first time in two months, I visited in the hospital, I had three meetings, I returned two months worth of emails, etc...I worked hard, and it was rough.

I have heard so many different times from so many different mom's that it was hard to go back, and I totally agree with this assessment. I have never in my life wanted to be a stay at home mom, but these last two months didn't seem nearly long enough. I just got to the point where I felt like I was getting the hang of being a mom and now I have to be a working mom.

Now, I am aware of the fact that I have a good situation: I can work from home or bring Judah to the church and Brett (for the most part) works from home. Those things are a blessing. I will try to keep in my mind that as well as the others blessings that we have, because this stage is not an easy one: I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, he still demands a lot of attention not just when nursing but all of the time, Brett is travelling a lot this season...but in the midst of that there are amazing things.

For all the extra demands, what makes it worth it are moments like these: last night when he was nursing he stopped and looked directly into my eyes and smiled. Then he talked to me, in his cooing way, and smiled at me and giggled for almost a full five minutes.  He held eye contact, he responded to me. It was beautiful...no, more than that...but it's unexplainable, and I cried (of course I did) because in moments like these nothing else matters. Not the poopy diapers, or late night feedings, not the lack of sleep or working around having another person depend on you...none of those minor frustrations matter - because what an amazing thing it is to be loved by your child.  Thank you, God, what an amazing thing.

So I am back to work and yes it is hard, but I wouldn't trade it. And we'll figure this out, in time.



PS. Here's a picture of Judah and Papa, my little baby is growing and growing. This week he is 13lb 6oz and he's already two months old! He is discovering his hands and feet and he loves his mobile.