Maternity Leave is NOT Vacation

Moments in life that are monumental: having a child

In January we welcomed our second baby, how has it already been two months!?

Isaiah David Spangler
Born: 9lbs 14 oz. and 21.5 inches long.
At two months: 13lbs 8 oz.
He is a BIG little guy, healthy and growing.

(Daddy meets Isaiah)

(Judah meets his baby brother)

(Mommy and Isaiah bonding in the hospital)

The first month of having a new baby is hard. It's full of blessings too, don't get me wrong, but it is HARD. And just like everyone told me, having two is not twice as much work as one...it's like 3 or 4 times as much work. But two months in we are settling into a fluid routine, at least he seems to know when it's night (finally). I think that's as good as it will get for the time being. I am reminded once again that maternity leave is NOT vacation...and yes, I did have several people tell me to have fun on my break. As if healing from major surgery while caring for an infant and a toddler can be classified as "a break" in any way.

(Our family of four)

There are days that just keeping myself and Isaiah alive are all I can do, and I give thanks for Brett who takes care of the rest. There are days when I am overwhelmed with frustration, days when I can't keep the cranky off my face, there are days when I wonder how I managed to keep up with my ministry with all that needs done, and now there are two kids! But there is also so much joy, daily reminders of why it's all worth it, moments full of fun, and looking forward to all that being a family of four will mean.

(Intrigued with each other)

Regarding having a newborn in the house...it's only been two and half years but I've forgotten so much! So I'm learning how to breastfeed again, and relearning that nursing is a choice I've made that is both very hard to do and very hard to stick with. I'm relearning how squirmy newborns are when changing diapers and changing clothes and getting baths, and that little boys pee on you as often as they can. I'm relearning how painfully tired you can be and still have duties to perform. I'm relearning that there are deep sorrowful moments where I think, "I can't do this!" And I'm also relearning that there are deep joyful moments where I can't believe I created this miracle.

(One month pictures)

There are brand new things too: like how sweet Judah is in a totally different way, and how my heart can split and grow in a way I never thought was possible (before Isaiah was born I often thought, "my God, how will I love this one as much?"). And this time I'm mourning moments as they go by, since Isaiah is our last one, and taking mental pictures to remember both the challenge and the joy of these early days.

(Daddy and Isaiah)

So, how is Judah dealing with all of this? Mostly like a champ. He LOVES his brother. When we got home from the hospital he was very disappointed that Isaiah would not be sharing his room. He talks to Isaiah all the time and occasionally will say, "Mommy, he's not talking to me" or "he won't look at me." He gives Isaiah hugs and kisses and brings him toys and other things he thinks his "brudder" will like. He is such a great helper and encourages us in the ways that we can help his baby (yes, HIS baby): "Mommy, I think Isaiah wants a drink from your tummy"..."Daddy, I think my baby needs a toy"...and he comforts Isaiah when he cries (like one day in the car), "Don't worry Isaiah, we'll be home soon."

(Judah "burping" Isaiah like mommy does)

We really haven't had any of that hatred-of-new-baby from him. The only thing that indicates that he notices how much Isaiah has disrupted how we functioned before is his dislike of me on occasion. There was a short time period in those first few weeks when Judah wouldn't have anything to do with me. He wouldn't let me hug him or kiss him or get him things. Why does no one tell you that when you bring home baby #2 that baby #1 will hate you? I sobbed to my parents and Brett and cried myself to sleep several times because of this. As he's gotten used to Isaiah being around and needing mommy though, that has gone away, he's my loving little boy again. And Brett and I try to share the time so that Judah never feels slighted by me, though this does mean that there are times when Isaiah has to wait a few minutes to eat or cries to daddy for a little while, but these are the challenges of having more than one child.

(Our happy little guy)

As might be expected, my emotions have been all over the place. And while I am not dealing with postpartum depression like I did with Judah (I'll talk about that in a later blog), it is still a daily choice to be calm and loving and rational because there are moments when I feel none of those. The reminder to hold on comes from places like when Brett lovingly reminds me how much joy we have - and he's right. I'm married to my best friend, I have two beautiful boys, we have a warm house and food to eat and a supportive family. The reminders also come from things like late night nursing sessions when I become aware of how much I am needed by my newest baby and from grocery store declarations of love from my two year old in the middle of the produce aisle.

(Two month pictures)

Through this, I am reminded once again what a blessing it is that I get to be a mother, not everyone has that ability/chance/opportunity. So even in the midst of sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, crazy emotions and chaos...I give thanks to God for this life and for the opportunity to be called "Mommy."