Washcloth...my only friend

We now have a five month old, man the time is flying! Judah is growing and changing every day. He is getting bigger and he is engaging with us more and more. He gives us kisses now (with a lot of slobber as well), and is figuring out how to get around. He can't quite do the normal hands and knees crawl, but he can move across the floor with amazing speed. He is also teething, which means he doesn't always love life but still...he's such a pleasant little guy.

His new things is that he likes to be to chewing on something at all times. He really likes blankets: to chew on, to throw around, to put over his face. And it's especially while he's going to sleep...but we're not comfortable leaving a blanket in the crib with him. (Side note: he does wear a sleep sac/wearable blanket so he's not cold...also, why don't they make those things for adults!?Am I right?)

So anyway, he loves the blankets while he's getting to sleep, so what we've done is give him a washcloth for those purposes. He can chew on it, throw it around and put it over his face without the concern of suffocating under it.

Well last night I fed him and he was restless but it was bed time so as the doctor has suggested, we left him to self-sooth for a few minutes and he quieted down pretty quickly. Later, when we went up to bed, we checked on him and there he was...hugging washcloth like it was his only friend.

I've got to be honest, it was both the cutest and the saddest thing. He's just so adorable in their hugging his little washcloth, but it also made me feel like the worst parent ever. All he wanted was a little company and I left him in there alone with a washcloth. Argh...the heartbreak of parenthood.

This past few weeks Brett was in Vegas, so I got a lot of Mommy-Judah time. We've got such a sweet little guy, I truly thank God everyday for this blessing. Even when I'm tired, I can't help but be happy when I'm around this sweet little face.

4 month update

Oh my, sorry it's been so long since I have written, it's been a busy few weeks and Brett's been gone some.

A few weeks ago our family came by for Milo's dedication. Ash and Jennie came early with Milo, who is Judah's cousin and is 8 months old. They had such a fun time together, it's so fun to have boys that will be the same age through the years. They shared their toys, took some pictures together and got to know each other better. While they were here cousin Milo crawled for the first time! It was so great to have been able to experience that with the New's!
 

Judah is now four months old! My goodness, how fast life is going. He is 15lbs 7oz., about 50th percentile for his age, and he is 99th percentile of height! He's so tall he's already wearing 6-9 month sleepers although his waist is so small he can still wear newborn pants (although they're way too short).

He's just such a delightful baby, he really is so pleasant. He smiles and laughs all the time. He loves mommy and daddy and is responding well to both of us. He will look for us when he hears one of us talking (which is frustrating when Brett talks and he's nursing). He is trying new sounds, one of which is a high pitched screech (that's delightful :/), but it's fun. He's responding to us and talking to us all the time. He also likes the baby in the mirror, but sometimes he gets upset when he sees mommy holding that other baby.

Judah has started playing in the bath - kicking and punching at the water. He loves to watch it splash. He is so happy in the tub, he doesn't even mind it when we wash his face! Our Judah Bug also loves his new saucer play station (thanks Fields') and his jumper (thanks Kaiser's). He's learning and exploring all the time, he's able to grab stuff on purpose and with both hands. He is starting to enjoy having us read to him (he used to cry and cry when I would try).

A few not so great things:

I had the horrific experience of "my-baby-rolled-off-the-couch" this week. I can't begin to tell you how horrible I feel, oh man. I set him on the couch (which he had been doing well) to lay out his play mat and heard a thunk. I turned around and he was looking at me...so betrayed. Then he starting wailing - like WAILING. Well of course I started sobbing as well. I was convinced I had hurt him beyond repair. I called the doctor's emergency line and after a few questions they determined he was fine but I should keep an eye on him. He didn't even get a bump, but I felt like crap.

Our poor little Judah had his first cold this week too. He was so pathetic and sad, it was hard to watch him just be sick. His little nose was all stuffy. But we did all the things you're supposed to and he's better now.

Every day is something new and it's really delightful. We just love being parents.

Asleep...on his face

Before we get to the Judah update...let's get real. I've said it before and I'll say it again, being a mom is not easy. Last night/early this morning I had a major breakdown.

As you know, Judah has started rolling. Well this week he took it to a whole new level with the rolling. All he ever wants to do is roll, although it's pretty much only in one direction. Sometimes he likes it, but sometimes when he gets on his tummy he gets frustrated. For the last two nights he has started rolling in his sleep. He rolls to one side of the crib and starts screaming because he's stuck. So he's not getting much sleep and guess what? Neither am I.

Well, last night was particularly bad. He wouldn't go down, because he kept rolling over and when he was on his tummy he was mad. Brett and I took turns trying to calm him down enough to sleep before we went to bed. Then he only slept for short periods of time. I nursed him every 1.5 to 2 hours since that seemed to calm him down enough to sleep (he's been going for much longer periods of time at night). 

Well after I fed him once again at 5:30 he absolutely wouldn't be calm. He wasn't awake really, but he wouldn't stop rolling and when he was on his tummy he was mad. But he fought me when I tried to turn him over to his back.

Well, after trying to turn him with no luck I started pleading with him a little (as if pleading with a 3 month old can work)...and then I started crying...and then I started sobbing. At this point it's a little past 6am. I'm not sure if he was mad at not being able to roll or if he was responding to my tears, but he started crying and then he started screaming. At this point Brett heard him screaming and ran in to find me sobbing over the crib. He moved me out of the way to check on Judah and I fell to the ground in hysterics.

...True confessions of a tired mom, I was a mess. This mom stuff is hard. Thank God for Brett, he is such a blessing. He took the baby downstairs, made sure he was ok, and then came up to comfort me (I was still crying hysterically - the kind where you get hiccups and can't breathe - and going off about how I was a bad mom). Needless to say, I slept for several hours and woke up to a healthy and happy little baby. Sigh*

So...today we practiced at nap time with letting him flip over and stay asleep. He did alright and tonight he flipped over and we let him calm himself while keeping a close eye on him. I know everyone says once they can roll they are safe on their tummy but *seriously* how do you not freak out when your baby is sleeping on his face!?

Also, sometimes his sleeve gets caught while he is rolling, this is how we found him yesterday:

Besides the rolling, a few other updates: Judah can now hold things intentionally which is fun. He can play with his toys and he keeps getting a grasp of his feet and this is one of his new favorite positions:

 He also loves...and I mean LOVES being in the carrier with daddy. He will happily hang out for hours in that thing.

He is drooling like a champ, he talks constantly, he continues to love bath time and he loves to dance. He is still smiling and laughing all the time, in fact he has taken to pausing every few minutes while nursing to coo and laugh at me, this kid is a happy little guy! He is a gift!

3 months already!

First, a response to my previous post: just FYI, as distraught as I am about jeans shopping, I want to be clear that I would not trade Judah for the best body in the world. Just thought I should spell that out and now...an update on Judah:

This week he turned three months old! How time flies. He is 14 lbs 6 oz. He doesn't seem that much bigger to me, but he's growing out of outfits almost weekly and I've noticed that when I'm nursing him my arm is getting tired because his head is so heavy (read: big).

He is making all sorts of talking sounds and trying out his voice. He talks and squeals and responds to us. He also giggles and cackles, especially when Brett makes funny noises or tickles him. One of our favorite things is when he smiles so big that he loses his paci, which happens frequently. He thinks we are really funny and he'll grin or laugh and the pacifier just falls out of his mouth.

Last Thursday we had an awesome experience. Judah rolled over (!!) from his back to his front, which really startled him and then he face-planted. Later, while we were doing tummy time, he rolled from his front to his back. He repeated that front to back roll several times during the day including when we were face-timing Grandma and Grandpa (Brett's parents) and then later when we were face-timing Nana and Papa (Shannon's parents)! Our little guy is developing and growing  up so fast!

Time is going  by so quickly, we are trying to enjoy every moment and every stage.  

Buying jeans...oh the horror

So, when you have a baby your body changes. I hope this doesn't come as a shock to anyone, it's the truth. I won't go into all the gory details, but here's an obvious one: when you have a baby you gain weight. Even though I was healthier during this pregnancy than any other time in my life, I still gained a significant amount of weight.  And no, not just the weight of the baby. He weighed 8lb 2oz at birth, did I look like I had only gained 8 pounds!? I don't think so (just as a reminder here's a picture from 5 days before he was born):

Yup, more than 8 pounds...at any rate...when the baby is born you lose some of that weight (uh...duh). Nursing helps you lose some more. But your body has taken on some weight to protect the baby and your tummy is all stretched out from holding that baby in there for so long and your hormones have been all crazy. So anyway, the first month I lost a majority of that weight but since then no more will come off.

So here's the dilemma, most of my regular clothes don't fit me and maternity clothes look ridiculous on me, so I am confined to wearing the few outfits that I have left that don't make me look like I'm a sausage trying to squeeze into the casing. This means one pair of jeans, about 7 tops and a few maxi dresses.

The one pair of jeans that fits me are starting to look a little raggedy considering how often they are getting worn and washed, so when we were at the mall today I decided it was time to get a new pair of jeans.

You know where this is headed...

Let me back up though, under normal circumstances I hate trying things on...especially jeans. Were jeans designed to make me feel inferior (too short, too wide, too hippy, too much thigh, too much crack, etc.)? Do dressing room mirrors add twenty pounds!? That's how I already feel about this, and these are not normal circumstances, it's much worse.

So back to today, after being distraught about the choices: skinny, ultra skinny, stretch, jeggings, acid wash (is this the 80's?), high waisted, pre-torn (ummm...I'm paying good money for these), ridiculous back pocket bling - I found  few normal looking pairs to try on.

Let me be clear - when you already hate trying on jeans and are within a few months of giving birth and are hormonal and are living on less sleep than is good for you...do not, I repeat DO NOT expose yourself to this kind of torture. End of story.

Long story, short...the result was me bawling my eyes out on Brett's shoulder on a bench at the mall. Yup, it's come to that. What a day. What an experience. Learn from me ladies, save yourself the heartache.

Needless to say, no jeans were purchased.

Our happy bug

Status: 12 weeks old, 13lbs 7 oz, 25.5 inches.

The doctor told us Judah is right at 50th percentile in weight and 99th percentile in height. We could have probably guessed about that because we've noticed at home that if his outfits fit his body they are way too short and if they fit his length he's swimming in them. He's a tall boy.

Last week Brett and I were talking and Brett was holding Judah. Brett and I started laughing and Judah laughed in response to us. He loves to smile and laugh and does it all the time. He's a happy little guy. He responds really well to both of us. He talks back to me all the time when I talk, we have long conversations. He loves to sit in Brett's lap and they play on his play mat.

Judah is discovering his hands and feet (by putting them in his mouth) and learning how to roll. He loves baths and his play mat. His best friend is zebra and Judah tells him everything.

Since his first week we've called him "Judah Bug." Sometimes now it's just "bug," which is a cute nickname for now but he probably won't like it later! We feel so blessed to have this little guy. We are figuring out how to work with him with us, it's a matter of taking turns and working at odd hours (and when the baby is sleeping). We already can't imagine life without him. We're in love. 

Maternity Leave Status: Over

This week I went back to work: I preached for the first time in two months, I visited in the hospital, I had three meetings, I returned two months worth of emails, etc...I worked hard, and it was rough.

I have heard so many different times from so many different mom's that it was hard to go back, and I totally agree with this assessment. I have never in my life wanted to be a stay at home mom, but these last two months didn't seem nearly long enough. I just got to the point where I felt like I was getting the hang of being a mom and now I have to be a working mom.

Now, I am aware of the fact that I have a good situation: I can work from home or bring Judah to the church and Brett (for the most part) works from home. Those things are a blessing. I will try to keep in my mind that as well as the others blessings that we have, because this stage is not an easy one: I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, he still demands a lot of attention not just when nursing but all of the time, Brett is travelling a lot this season...but in the midst of that there are amazing things.

For all the extra demands, what makes it worth it are moments like these: last night when he was nursing he stopped and looked directly into my eyes and smiled. Then he talked to me, in his cooing way, and smiled at me and giggled for almost a full five minutes.  He held eye contact, he responded to me. It was beautiful...no, more than that...but it's unexplainable, and I cried (of course I did) because in moments like these nothing else matters. Not the poopy diapers, or late night feedings, not the lack of sleep or working around having another person depend on you...none of those minor frustrations matter - because what an amazing thing it is to be loved by your child.  Thank you, God, what an amazing thing.

So I am back to work and yes it is hard, but I wouldn't trade it. And we'll figure this out, in time.



PS. Here's a picture of Judah and Papa, my little baby is growing and growing. This week he is 13lb 6oz and he's already two months old! He is discovering his hands and feet and he loves his mobile.