Buying jeans...oh the horror

So, when you have a baby your body changes. I hope this doesn't come as a shock to anyone, it's the truth. I won't go into all the gory details, but here's an obvious one: when you have a baby you gain weight. Even though I was healthier during this pregnancy than any other time in my life, I still gained a significant amount of weight.  And no, not just the weight of the baby. He weighed 8lb 2oz at birth, did I look like I had only gained 8 pounds!? I don't think so (just as a reminder here's a picture from 5 days before he was born):

Yup, more than 8 pounds...at any rate...when the baby is born you lose some of that weight (uh...duh). Nursing helps you lose some more. But your body has taken on some weight to protect the baby and your tummy is all stretched out from holding that baby in there for so long and your hormones have been all crazy. So anyway, the first month I lost a majority of that weight but since then no more will come off.

So here's the dilemma, most of my regular clothes don't fit me and maternity clothes look ridiculous on me, so I am confined to wearing the few outfits that I have left that don't make me look like I'm a sausage trying to squeeze into the casing. This means one pair of jeans, about 7 tops and a few maxi dresses.

The one pair of jeans that fits me are starting to look a little raggedy considering how often they are getting worn and washed, so when we were at the mall today I decided it was time to get a new pair of jeans.

You know where this is headed...

Let me back up though, under normal circumstances I hate trying things on...especially jeans. Were jeans designed to make me feel inferior (too short, too wide, too hippy, too much thigh, too much crack, etc.)? Do dressing room mirrors add twenty pounds!? That's how I already feel about this, and these are not normal circumstances, it's much worse.

So back to today, after being distraught about the choices: skinny, ultra skinny, stretch, jeggings, acid wash (is this the 80's?), high waisted, pre-torn (ummm...I'm paying good money for these), ridiculous back pocket bling - I found  few normal looking pairs to try on.

Let me be clear - when you already hate trying on jeans and are within a few months of giving birth and are hormonal and are living on less sleep than is good for you...do not, I repeat DO NOT expose yourself to this kind of torture. End of story.

Long story, short...the result was me bawling my eyes out on Brett's shoulder on a bench at the mall. Yup, it's come to that. What a day. What an experience. Learn from me ladies, save yourself the heartache.

Needless to say, no jeans were purchased.

Our happy bug

Status: 12 weeks old, 13lbs 7 oz, 25.5 inches.

The doctor told us Judah is right at 50th percentile in weight and 99th percentile in height. We could have probably guessed about that because we've noticed at home that if his outfits fit his body they are way too short and if they fit his length he's swimming in them. He's a tall boy.

Last week Brett and I were talking and Brett was holding Judah. Brett and I started laughing and Judah laughed in response to us. He loves to smile and laugh and does it all the time. He's a happy little guy. He responds really well to both of us. He talks back to me all the time when I talk, we have long conversations. He loves to sit in Brett's lap and they play on his play mat.

Judah is discovering his hands and feet (by putting them in his mouth) and learning how to roll. He loves baths and his play mat. His best friend is zebra and Judah tells him everything.

Since his first week we've called him "Judah Bug." Sometimes now it's just "bug," which is a cute nickname for now but he probably won't like it later! We feel so blessed to have this little guy. We are figuring out how to work with him with us, it's a matter of taking turns and working at odd hours (and when the baby is sleeping). We already can't imagine life without him. We're in love. 

Maternity Leave Status: Over

This week I went back to work: I preached for the first time in two months, I visited in the hospital, I had three meetings, I returned two months worth of emails, etc...I worked hard, and it was rough.

I have heard so many different times from so many different mom's that it was hard to go back, and I totally agree with this assessment. I have never in my life wanted to be a stay at home mom, but these last two months didn't seem nearly long enough. I just got to the point where I felt like I was getting the hang of being a mom and now I have to be a working mom.

Now, I am aware of the fact that I have a good situation: I can work from home or bring Judah to the church and Brett (for the most part) works from home. Those things are a blessing. I will try to keep in my mind that as well as the others blessings that we have, because this stage is not an easy one: I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, he still demands a lot of attention not just when nursing but all of the time, Brett is travelling a lot this season...but in the midst of that there are amazing things.

For all the extra demands, what makes it worth it are moments like these: last night when he was nursing he stopped and looked directly into my eyes and smiled. Then he talked to me, in his cooing way, and smiled at me and giggled for almost a full five minutes.  He held eye contact, he responded to me. It was beautiful...no, more than that...but it's unexplainable, and I cried (of course I did) because in moments like these nothing else matters. Not the poopy diapers, or late night feedings, not the lack of sleep or working around having another person depend on you...none of those minor frustrations matter - because what an amazing thing it is to be loved by your child.  Thank you, God, what an amazing thing.

So I am back to work and yes it is hard, but I wouldn't trade it. And we'll figure this out, in time.



PS. Here's a picture of Judah and Papa, my little baby is growing and growing. This week he is 13lb 6oz and he's already two months old! He is discovering his hands and feet and he loves his mobile.

Changing all the time...

It's amazing to me how quickly things change with babies. Every day there is something new.

Physically, Judah is growing like a weed: the last four weeks he has gained 10oz, 15oz, 10oz, 12oz (in that order). He now weighs 11lb 5oz, and he is also so tall! We've had to  adjust his car seat straps twice already and he's only 6 weeks old! He's moved out of newborn stuff and into 0-3 month clothing.

He's also becoming very aware.  He's awake more now (and not just sleeping or eating). He looks around a ton and tries to figure stuff out, he loves to look out the car window when we're driving. In the past week he has started following Brett's voice and watching us intently.  It's so nice to feel like this little person is equally as interested in you as you are in him.

Another thing this week is that he has started smiling! There were a few times when we thought perhaps he was smiling but since Saturday we've got picture proof.  His brows are so expressive and it's so great to see the smile and not just the terrified or skeptical looks that we'd been getting.

It's so exciting to watch him grow! 

Another new thing this week, Brett put Judah down in his crib for a few minutes to run downstairs, when he came back and Judah was asleep and peaceful. We hadn't thought about transferring him from the bassinet by our bed to the crib in his room this early but he seems to like it! The last four nights he has slept in his crib, quite happily. In fact, last night we put him to bed after eating and he cooed happily for an hour before drifting off! He looks so little in there:

The good, the bad and the ugly

There are things no one tells you about pregnancy, the birth process and new parenthood. The reason for this (I now understand) is two-fold: first, because it is impossible to share it all and second, because there are some things you just have to experience.

There are some things I can share though:

1) Pregnancy was hard but people are right, you totally forget about all of the crap when they place that little baby on you and you look into his eyes for the first time: it's just amazing. You forget the sickness of the first few months, you forget about food aversions and peeing ten times in the middle of the night, you forget the uncomfortable feeling of having feet in your ribs, you forget about waddling around, you forget about the swollen ankles and fingers and you just stare amazed at this life you have created (as Brett says, "This is what our love created!") Amazing, truly amazing.

2) The birthing process is ROUGH and in my case people were not right, this I will not forget or get over. It was traumatic (physically and emotionally), I will not go into details but let me tell you, it's honestly the hardest thing I've ever done (also, let me just say, get an epidural...always get the epidural). But it does not end at birth...labor is rough, the birth is rougher and the recovery is the roughest.  I'm still recovering after over a month...and it's not even close to over yet. I am not exaggerating...this process (for me) was the worst. I know this is not the case for everyone, but it does happen. If you are a pregnant lady and want to talk about this, feel free to contact me and I'll share.

3) I am now in the mommy zone, I (like many mothers before me) think my baby is the cutest and the sweetest and the smartest baby.  I want to share pictures of him all the time. I want to talk about the cuteness and the faces he makes and really just everything about him all the time. I totally get it now, but that's why I have this blog.

4) Crazy pregnancy hormones flow immediately into crazy postpartum hormones. I truly could not stop crying the first few days, sometimes almost hyperventilating. That has slowed down at this point but even still, for me, it's a lot of crying that's happening. I have been told by many people that this is normal. I sure hope so because I feel crazy.

5) Breastfeeding is hard but totally worth it. Besides the obvious benefits for baby of breast milk, the bonding time that I get with baby is beautiful and even though I sometimes get overwhelmed because of how much he needs to eat and how I feel like a milk jug, I would not trade the time for anything.

These are just a few of my insights...more to come.

Settling into our new life

We have been home for two weeks (I spent a lot of time in the hospital for some complications) and we are settling into our new life as a three-part family. It's not easy, but it's wonderful.

One of my dear friends told me this when I was feeling anxious about being a mom and having a kid a few months ago: "Your job, your one job the first few months: keep baby alive." She told me, "don't make yourself crazy...keep baby alive." I didn't realize how much I would need this bit of advice.

Everything seems overwhelming right now, and everything seems to be too much, and my emotions are crazy, and I don't know how I'm going to work as well as have a kid, and Judah wants to eat all the time, and I'm not getting enough sleep, and I don't know how to fix it when he cries...

And then I remind myself to calm down: keep baby alive. That I can do...he's fed, he's warm, he's loved. Baby is alive, so even if he's crying, it's probably ok. Even if I'm crying, it's probably ok. It is overwhelming, but it will be ok. I'm trying to remind myself of that, some days I have to remind myself more often.  

Keep baby alive, love baby, feed baby: this is my job right now, and it's full time. This is why it's imperative that people take time from work when they have a baby - it's not a vacation or a break (what a laugh), it's necessary. And I'm doing it, of course with the help of my amazing husband Brett. So really, we're doing it, and we're settling into our roles.

I mostly am just a source of food right now, I have trouble even comforting Judah because he can smell that I'm the momma. But I love that time we get together, I pray for him or sing to him or read books to him, sometimes I just talk to him. It's something I already know I'm going to miss, I treasure every minute of it.

Sometimes in the middle of the night Judah doesn't want to go back to sleep after he eats, so Brett gets his time with baby - he says he loves that time because that's his time with Judah. Brett takes Judah into the nursery to rock him and let me get some sleep.

Today I introduced Judah to the greatness that is the Beatles. He loved it (of course), we danced and I sang to him with John, Paul, George and Ringo in the background for half an hour until he was lulled into a beautiful Beatles induced slumber. Train up a child, right?

So...we're figuring out how to take turns, who does what, and how to live in this new life.  I honestly don't know how people do this without support. I feel so blessed with an amazing husband and an amazing family.

Here is a glimpse into the cuteness that I get to experience: the bond of daddy and son.

Monumental: Had a Baby!

We welcomed Judah Mitchell Spangler into the world on May 27, 2014 at 8:13pm. 

Judah was 5 days early, but right on time for us. We are delighted to be parents, although it is still a bit surreal to say that we have a kid! 

His name: We wanted to have an Old Testament name, we had a long list that we pared down over the months and finally got down to two names: Levi and Judah. As we got closer and closer to his due date we both separately decided that Judah was the name. Judah means "praised." His middle name is in honor of my Uncle Mitch - an amazing man who has been a huge part of our life. 

His weight: He was born at 8lb 2oz, a little smaller than estimated, proof that sonograms aren't perfect (thank goodness!). I was so concerned about having a monster baby and he's the cutest little thing! And of course, he lost weight as all babies do, but is back up to birth weight this week.

His demeanor: He is a funny little guy who is always looking either terrified or skeptical, this is highly amusing to us. He's also always impossibly cute. He seems to be a pretty content little guy: he likes the outdoors, rocking in his swing and staring out the window.  He sometimes enjoys it when you sing to him, and of course he like eating ;)   

Our little man is an amazing gift from God. We wanted him so badly and tried for so long and we are so delighted to have had this opportunity/experience to get pregnant and to be pregnant...and now we look forward to the experience of being a family. Brett and I love being a couple and the life that we have...please continue to pray for us as we figure out life that is totally different now, and awesome in a different way.  We love this little guy more than we can explain and are delighted to now be a family of three. 

Want to keep up with Judah and our family? Stay tuned right here!